he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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