I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
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