You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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