i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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