Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
