Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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