ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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