Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
