So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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