I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
