Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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