So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
