wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
