Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I currently don't understand fingers.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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