I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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