i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
