I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize