why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
