Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
