I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just high enough for therapy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
