had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
