Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
