went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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