Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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