Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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