i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
