Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
