Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
