I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
