Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
