I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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