Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
