Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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