Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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