I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This baby is an asshole
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You need Xanax blowdarts
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
