My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
