shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
