if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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