he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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