i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
