I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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