i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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