you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
