he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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