Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
