After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
