My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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