Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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