I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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