If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
