How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
