Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
