What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
