This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
