Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
