Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
