Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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