In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
