watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
