Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
