She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
