I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
