remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
