i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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