We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
