the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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