at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just forgot I was standing up.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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