dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
