I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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