Just fell off a train. Bad.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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